when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize