I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
