who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
