You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
