if you like me you must not know who I am
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
