How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize