I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
