At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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