they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
