Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
