i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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