you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize