cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
