Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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