just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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