Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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