one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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