In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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