i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
