take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
