take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
