Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
