I bet he comes in French.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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