You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
