This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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