You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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