is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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