I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
