I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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