I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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