so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
