never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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