omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
