just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
