The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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