1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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