someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
