Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
