Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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