I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
