apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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