I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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