So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
