I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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