Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize