pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize