if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
