Just took my morning after pill in the library
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
