I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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