I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
