Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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