so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
