apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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