How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
