I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
