she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
