As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
