She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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