As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
