I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
