Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
