Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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