its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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