But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
