I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
