Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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