my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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