I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
