Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
