ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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