Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
