plz talk dirty to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
