3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
