i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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