Where is the hickey?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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